YES I HAVE CANCER. SO WHAT?

by Gina Evangelista

I always thought that having cancer was the most dreaded thing and that it would bring me to tears and cause so much pain and sorrow to me and my loved ones. But I discovered that is does not have to be so. Yes, I have cancer. So what?

I admit that when the doctor told my husband and I that the lumps were malignant and that I had stage III–C Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, I cried. But after a couple of days of crying my heart out, I finally stopped. My husband told me one thing – love your cancer. And I did! Now nothing else case faze me.

During my chemo treatments, I would lose my appetite for a week every 21 days. Which, compared to what other people went through, wasn't so bad. I would get depressed, but only because I couldn't eat. But I would always console myself with the fact that, once my taste buds got back to normal, I could eat again. I would look forward to rewarding myself with a mouth-watering meal. My family and friends would send food over and I would indulge. This was my excuse to treat myself to all my favorites. One dish that I always craved for was wonton soup. My husband willingly obliged. As soon as he knew I was ready to eat, he would go out and buy me some wonton soup. I was like a little kid eagerly savoring every morsel of wonton and every sip of the soup because, finally, I could eat again.

When I felt strong enough to go out, my husband would take me to the mall just to walk around. I was happy to get out of the house and get my mind off cancer and chemo. I thought that was a great way to pass time and entertain myself. But, I realized that I became the entertainment. I would always wear a colorful scarf on my head whenever I left the house and people would stare at me. After much reflection, I decided to embrace my new look and the effect it had on other people. When they stared at me, I would smile at them. That definitely stopped the staring. At one point, I even considered putting a sign on my forehead that said, "YES, I HAVE CANCER," if only to shock people more and end the speculation of why I was wearing a bandana. After awhile, I gathered enough confidence to stop wearing the bandana. That shocked people even more. But I didn't care. In fact, I had so much fun that I would go out more often without my bandana. Imagine the stares that I would get then!

I started having fun with my cancer and new look. I started adding more color to my wardrobe, wore dangling earrings more often and funky colored bandanas became a permanent part of my daily fashion statement. Even if I had cancer, I didn't want to look like I had cancer. I made an effort to always dress up even if I was just going to the mall. I also discovered that it helps a lot if you always put a smile on your face.

My cancer also became an advantage, especially with friends – and they all know this, and took advantage of it! My Assumption High School group tried to get together as often as possible, but with work and family schedules, it wasn't always easy. So, when we would plan to meet up, one of them would ask me to use my "Cancer Card." And off I'd go to my laptop, send out an email to our whole group telling them of the plans. Amazingly, within a day or two, they would all reply and say they're coming. Of course, I was very flattered and touched that the reason they all show up is because they want to see me. As one of my friends put it, I am entitled to be bratty and demanding because I have cancer.

In the course of my treatments and living day by day, I realized that having breast cancer does not define your life or how you live. Yes, it is dreaded disease. But I began to appreciate what my husband meant when he said, "Love your cancer". Loving your cancer means dealing with it head-on and accepting it. It means not wallowing in self-pity but rather, rejoicing in the notion that I can do anything despite my cancer. It means believing that God has a plan for me. It wasn't always easy, but this is how I chose to embark on this cancer journey with my husband, family and friends.

Yes I have cancer. So what?

- Gina Evangelista