Open Letter

by Mae Castro

September 8, 2008

Hello Dear Friends and Supporters,

It is with great pleasure that I'd like to share this day with you as I celebrate this memorable first week of my life… my new beginning freed from the bondages of chemotherapy!!! YES!!!

I am now a certified "GRADUATE" from the School of Chemotherapy where I took up sixteen sessions of chemo treatment that began in March 3, 2008 and ended in September 3, 2008!!! Yippee!!! Hooray for me!!!! :) :) :) Maybe I should ask my oncologist for a diploma! :) :)

And just so you know… I have no intentions of pursuing an MBA course on this subject ever!!! And this you can be very sure of!!!! Nope! No more next chemo for me!!!!

Initial evaluations after the first four sessions of chemo showed no positive response from my body. This prompted my oncologist to change my protocol and get me to my third line of treatment.

After six sessions on this third line of treatment, my CT SCAN results showed a slight decrease in size of my old tumor but at the same time new growth were seen in another area of my liver. The doctors told me that these growths were more on "cystic in nature" and not a metastasis. My CA 125 showed also a decrease in value from 986 to 182 but nowhere near the normal value of less than 35. Thus, my treatment continued.

This actually confused me and brought me more anxiety when I think about it. But I refused to let this development get in my way of living and enjoying my life!

I sought refuge from God. And by the grace of God, I have lifted up my body and spirit to the Lord to do and to live according to His will. And I have asked Him to lead me…most especially in times of darkness. And I have no qualms about this because I know God is with me all the time.

God's love was manifested even more when I joined the Carewell Community in the summer of 2007. But it took me until just recently to realize this as each day unfolded for me.

Carewell Community stands for Cancer Resource and Wellness Community. It is a nonprofit foundation that provides support, education and hope to persons with cancer and their loved ones.

Allow me to give you a brief background how it was with me before Carewell. Like any other person given this kind of condition, I went through the usual depression, emotional stress and anxiety attacks when I was first diagnosed in June of 2006. This became more prominent all throughout my first line of chemotherapy that lasted until January of 2007. I felt isolated and alone even when I was surrounded with my family and relatives. It felt like nobody really understood what I needed most.

I put up a brave front amidst all that was happening to me and went back to work in February, 2007. I thought getting back to work would help me get over my emotional ups and downs. It did relieve me to know that I was able to work again. But the emotional strain became even more defined especially the first time I was about to go back to my doctor for the required monitoring tests after being on remission.

It was during these times that fate once again stepped in and brought me to meet Bobbit Suntay whose article I have read in an old issue dated August 27, 2006 of the Philippine Sunday Daily Inquirer.

The sincerity of his welcoming warmth and understanding of my condition made his invitation to visit the Carewell Community something to look forward to at that time.

The community center office boasts of a mini-library and resource center. Literatures, audio cd and other multi media resources about cancer are available for the member's taking. And books on wellness and other references and novels are also available for borrowing from the library.

I instantly felt at ease the first time I talked to Bobbit at the Carewell office in Makati . I amazed myself when I started talking to him about all my worries and anxieties. It all felt so good to finally have somebody listening and knowing he really understands because he's been there too when his late wife, father and father-in-law had cancer all six months apart of each other.

After intently listening to my plight he offered me a counseling session I could avail at Carewell, free of charge. Aside from counseling, I could also avail of consultations with Carewell's medical team of volunteer doctors like oncologists, rehab, palliative, nutritionist, plastic surgeon, psychiatrist just to name a few. And again, all free of charge for the members. Even membership was free! The only requirement is that the member is diagnosed with cancer. There!!!… di ba exclusive???!!!

Then he also gave me a list of the other members whom I could contact and meet if I wanted to. And instead of waiting for me to call up the other members, he thought it best to invite them over to Carewell one Wednesday morning over lunchtime.

Our Wednesday meetings became a regular thing. We were only four from the start with only one thing in common: all stage four survivors. And Bobbit fondly named us The Four C's of Carewell (which can also be pronounced as The Forces of Carewell). Although eventually, the belles of Carewell became what is now officially known among us as the Carebelles. And the meetings are now scheduled every Thursday over lunch time.

The succeeding days and months that followed saw me attending art classes with my daughter, Mia during Saturdays when I am well enough to make it.

My husband Ed, attends the husbands group that Bobbit calls the Happy Hour group. This was a once a month meeting before. But due to the men's enjoyment in each others company, they now hold it twice a month.

I also availed of their wellness programs such as qi gong, yoga and reiki classes and recently a pilates class. This helped me a lot in learning how to breathe properly and at the same time get me focused in a day.

They also have a centering prayer group and a grief sharing group for those who need spiritual and emotional therapy.

When Carewell offered us a respite weekend in Anilao, I became all the more engulfed with the extent of how well the survivors are being taken cared off through all the joint efforts of the volunteers and most especially Bobbit. And all these were made available to me and my family for FREE!

And so it was when the events and activities came one after another. I became involved in most of the Carewell activities and helped the volunteers in any way I can.

It was the best thing that happened to me as I journeyed through some of the most trying times in my life.

But I guess my condition took its toll in the latter part of 2007 when I became a regular figure going in and out of St. Luke's Medical Center .

When my oncologist told me I would undergo chemotherapy again for the second time, I didn't feel as devastated and as anxious as the first time. I felt calm and ready to take my battle on the next level. And this time I had no intentions of moping around the house while doing chemo if I know that I have enough strength to do something more with my time.

You could say that I took charge of my time and did not let chemotherapy get in my way of enjoying the moments in my life. And these moments were spent mostly in helping and getting involved with the plight of the new and other members at Carewell.

Being at Carewell always made me forget that I am sick even for a moment. The fun and the laughter that echoes through the walls of the center reverberates along the corridors of the building when the Carebelles gather together for their Thursday meetings.

On September 18 to 30, 2008 a Carewell photo exhibit entitled "Portraits of Hope" will be on display at the Power Plant mall in Rockwell. The photographs were made possible by the renowned photographer Wig Tysman, with the help of the famous make up artist, Patrick Rosas who made the Carewell survivors and their stars look fit for a photo shoot. Please try to catch these photo exhibit. It includes me!!! :) :) :)

Then on October 2, 2008, these Portraits of Hope photos will be brought to Manila Polo Club main function room for the culmination of the celebration with a benefit show honoring the survivors and their "stars" who became a source of inspiration and encouragement during their cancer journey.

Ryan Cayabyab together with his Ryan Cayabyab Singers will be performing on stage. Likewise, Melissa Joseph and Christopher de Leon will render The Carewell Song composed by Nonong Buencamino and Floy Quintos.

Our famous director Ms. Marilou Diaz Abaya, have also created a video for this event. Ms. Marilou became one of God's instruments for me to realize the magnitude of sharing God's love in my life.

Imagine my elation when they told me that my story was one of the many chosen to be part of this first of its kind event in the Philippines !!!! :) :) :) Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine myself being a part of something as big as this event to be shown in public.

I felt God was working in mysterious ways as I lived each day in His presence. It's scary. But knowing God is on my side helps me get through the scary feelings.

It never ceases to amaze me how these famous personalities graciously waived their professional fees in the spirit of helping the Carewell Community raise the awareness of the public about cancer and how people can give hope, understanding and support to those affected by these conditions. That life can be good even with cancer.

And this great feeling prompted me to share this goodness first to my family and love ones. And now, I'm sharing this with you my dear friends and supporters.

I was a skeptic myself before when everything was "normal" for me and I read or heard about testimonials of this sort. But now here I am. I guess cancer made me braver than ever to make me write such an email as this one. J

I am still overwhelmed with so much joy in my heart mainly because it took my cancer to let me experience God's love through the different people I've met from all walks of life at the Carewell Community.

It's hard for me to imagine how I would have viewed life if things were normal for me and I was not afflicted with this illness. Indeed, nothing in this world is an accident. And God has been leading me each step of the way even though I know nothing what lays beyond today.

I have yet to undergo a series of CT scans and bone scan on September 12 and 16, 2008 to assess how my body responded to the last six sessions of treatment.

God willing… I would want to let my body catch a breath of fresh air away from all the toxicities of chemo drugs regardless of the outcome of my pending tests!

With all these happening at the same time, I hope you continue to pray for me that I may be given that inner strength and patience to endure everything that my body would go through as I live my life.

And I hope this email would find a place in your heart to help not only me but all the cancer survivors who needs the most care, attention and support as they continue in their struggles.

With this comes my invitation for you to please watch the celebration and fund raising event of the year in the cancer society entitled "The Carewell Star Night."

Tickets to the Star Night event include cocktails and admission to the performance of Ryan Cayabyab and the RCS plus the very special multimedia presentation of the Carewell survivors and their stars.

Below is my email address and contact numbers for those who would like to get in touch with me about myself or the ticket sales information:

Email address: castro_mae@yahoo.com

Cell Phone No. 0917-5200325

Landline No. 726-0011

And still for those who knows someone or who would like to be a part of the Carewell Community as a volunteer, sponsor, donor or member, please feel free to call their office at 751-0242 or 815-1294. You can also visit the Carewell website at www.carewellcommunity.org where you also get a preview of the photo exhibit among other things.

In parting, let me also share with you the lessons I learned since our video shoot the other Sunday, August 31, 2008:

1. Speak from the heart (this is from Issa, the one who assists us before takes)

2. Be generous with your feelings (from Ms. Marilou)

3. Hold your temper when mad, keep silent and let the moment pass. (from Marie, one of the Carebelles)

4. Better to keep the tongue in check than to regret what was said later on. (also from Marie)

5. Share God's love and blessings by ministering to others (from Ms. Sylvia, another Carebelle)

6. Sharing gives others courage and inspiration (Ms. Marilou)

God is good all the time! Let Him lead the way even in darkness! Speak with a humbled heart! Keep Him with you at all times because God loves us.

Thank you for spending your precious time with me through this email. Also, I'd appreciate it very much if you could send this to the people I don't have email addresses but who once before asked about me or gave their prayers and support for my cause. Again, my heartfelt thank you to everyone!

Sincerely,

Mae Castro